Humor : Graduate Foodchain

found this cartoon on this site

Philosophy of Life : The End of Grad School

I came across this on the Net.

lyrics by Steven A. Wolfman

Hello caffeine my old friend
I’ve come to wire myself again
I should be back home in my bed sleeping
Instead I’m trying to write this thesis thing
But the chapters get jumbled in my head
Feels like lead
This is the end of grad school.

Late last night I worked alone
That’s when I heard the telephone
Headhunters spoke with tongues of honey
Weaving fever dreams of money
And the sound of ka-ching is rare for a PhC
We work for free
That was the end of grad school.

“Fools,” said I, “you do not know
Research like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Tenure track will soon defeat you.”
With those words, to lecture I am bound
Abandoning the sounds of grad school

And then some students knock on wood
Pray for three letters and a hood
A decade older than the new first-years
Sixty credit cards in deep arrears
Someday they’ll think: “If I’ll end up at Google,
I might as well go today.
I need the pay,
To make an end to grad school.”

Footnote : The Ph.C., or Philosophical Candidacy, is the utterly meaningless degree one receives upon qualifying for the Ph.D. program, as with a successful preliminary, generals, or thesis proposal examination.